Friday, October 7, 2011

100% Guilt Free Day

Southern mamas wield guilt like a rattler in a pentecostal tent meeting. Below the Mason-Dixon, guiltiness is next to Godliness. Not overt guiltiness, like in a crime, mind you, but the kind of guilt that crawls silently up your spine and tickles at the nape of your neck. Though we swat at it and shimmy and flick, we can never brush away the sensation of it being there. Naturally, we start to avoid situations that make us notice it.

We southern girls cohabitate with our guilt in the same way we live with our silver and our pearls and daily gossip juicier than anything TMZ can dish. Why, I feel guilty for even saying the G-word. And you probably feel so guilty for reading about it and agreeing (you feel like your mama already knows you did it) that you're gonna talk about me just to make yourself feel better.

Never fear. I declare TODAY a 100% GUILT FREE DAY. Let's celebrate! Today it's okay:

1. To hide the last four chocolate chip cookies from your family and eat them for lunch tomorrow. 2. To ask the sales clerk for a 20% discount on that antique picture frame that you know you're going to buy whether she gives you the discount or not. 3. To kindly decline the handful of birthday party invitations your children brought home from school because you don't want to spend another Saturday schlepping kids around town. The party police won't convict for not being "busy" enough. 4. To say a resounding NO to the very next thing someone asks you to do. 5. To iron only the front panels and collar of your blouse because you're going to wear a jacket over it. 6. To order a pizza and watch a movie with your family on a school night. 7. To skip the DAR meeting even though you responded that you would be there. 8. To throw out that rag of a t-shirt your husband keeps wearing to be "comfortable" on Sunday afternoons. 9. To tell your son his tennis shoes smell like cat spray. 10. To paint a room orange.

How do you want to celebrate your 100% Guilt Free Day? What would you add to this list? Today it's okay to . . .

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